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The Structure

Updated: Oct 25, 2022

Sometimes it’s not about the life we want to have but the life we can have. Sometimes we’re dealt hands in life that may not be part of the dreams we have. It’s these dreams that can spoil and sour inside and let us turn into what we desired to never be. It’s not letting the dead-weight destroy us. It’s the dissipation of these dreaded and damned cards we’re dealt. It’s being well structured to deal with life. Distribute what you can. Discourage dolor and distress. Die with what you have to but not everyday. Hopefully, that’s a desolate list of things you are willing to die with. In reality it shouldn't matter, because To Each Their Own, to everyone in life and in death.

Nobody want’s to worry. Nobody likes being worried about something they have no control in or over. So why would I belt out my problems? I wouldn’t, I shouldn’t, I need to be better at focusing on others. Everybody has problems, pain, and persecution nobody else will ever understand. Everybody is a person. Even the good are bad. You have to remember the fame and fortune can't shroud the fact that most celebrities' are, and will even admit, that they're a real person like you. It doesn't mean they aren't human if they're rich and famous, it just means they're probably a little better at something useful than you.

Let me humanize a few, MLK beat his wife, Gandhi was a racist pedophile, Mother Teresa vowed for unequal rights for women, Lenon cheated and beat his wife until the day he died, and I probably don't need to say anything about Elvis, Chaplin, and Jackson having things for well underage boys and girls. We don't see that. We are all people. We need to focus more on the positive. (Not for all those people, but all listed above are considered factual). I'm not trying to tear down your idols. I'm just saying we shouldn't convey our problems to the public and pray for pity and sympathy. We are all human. We all have problems to worry about on our own. We can all be better. T.E.T.O. I want to be better.

Helping, smiling, and being what I would like to be and would like to see in this world. As a wise man once said,

“They say the depressed are the happiest. The saddest smile the brightest. The most damaged are the wisest. The ones who didn’t follow directions listen the best. That loneliest show the most kindness. If any or all of these are true I don’t understand why I’m not the idol all wish to be? I am everything nobody wants to be on the inside.”

I guess that’s why I’m looking for a joke or a point to be made even in the worst traumatic and dreadful moments in life. I cry enough on the inside, I might as well make jokes at funerals so I'm not crying on the outside too. Comedy is a way to deal with personal trauma. Some people might say I’m an asshole for it. They’re not wrong on that, but are they wrong for not understanding? T.E.T.O. I guess.

I know manifest destiny has been disproven over and over. If it were true you could make star signs, winning lottery numbers, and anything you wanted to come true in your personal life. Thank you, Karl Popper, for disproving these through Marxist examples of how if you’re looking for something you’ll find it. Not saying Marxism isn't, just not as it's written. So you must look for everything else against to prove that one thing true. The problem is working towards something you covet or crave is something that’s known to be true. The classic fake it till you make it has been proven to hold up. It may seem counter-intuitive if you don’t understand the line between the two. It’s not worth it to explain the line. Go with what you love, with what you feel is best, T.E.T.O.

If I am trying to structure my life around other’s decisions like the Investors, the Boardroom, or like some fuckin' Kid, I won’t make it far. That’s why I’m structuring my life to be what I want to see. The only thing that can make me happy. The one thing I love, (besides my dog). That’s making others happy. If I can squeeze an ounce of joy out of hours of pain for others, it’s worth every second. I know I have a lot to work on. It’s not the acting, I know I could win an Oscar for covering the headaches and my own problems. It’s keeping the joy in others I need help with. I wouldn't want to bring more pain into people's lives every time I make a reference or say something that might relate to it because it never leaves my head, that doesn't mean I want it stuck in theirs. It’s not letting my sewage seep out into conversations. It’s staying on the silver lining. It’s keeping up with my own thoughts and not repeating myself. It’s staying skeptical to make the best decisions, but not coming across as pessimistic. It’s asking others questions to better themselves in areas I have had a touch of experience, but not condemning other’s ways. It’s remembering T.E.T.O.

I apologize if you catch me on a day where the sour outweighs the sweet. I apologize if you weren’t prepared for the spice it takes to make everyday run smooth. I apologize in advance if you caught a mouthful of salt expecting a sugarplum. I am getting better every day or at least trying. I hope you can work with me as I continue to build. Some days it feels like you’re not building a real structure. Like it’s a roof for a bad birdhouse. Like it’s a waste of time, it’s not. Someday you’ll fly too. Just remember, To Each Their fuckin’ Own.

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