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On The Way To Austin

Updated: Oct 25, 2022

The time you wrote it then fucked it up telling it to her. So you rewrote it. So she left. So you let others read to not make the same mistake.

I'm on a couch in a cool white room. It's lightly decorated from the recent move in. I'm sitting here on the couch with another girl wishing she was you.

It's not her looks. She's hot. At least that's what my friends have told me. She's not stupid either. She is even cool. I would never complain about talking to her and sitting next to her in a million years. I'm not complaining now, I just wish she was you. Her hands and facial expressions just aren't as appealing as yours are. She's just not you. She's not as appealing to me. She's not you.

It's your introverted sexiness. It's your tone of voice, sweet even when upset. It's the infinite puddles of deep blues with mountain ranges of yellow hue around the center pupil in what we call your eyes. It's your head cocked to one side when you smile. It those white teeth. Those cocaine white, glow radiating, white fuckin' teeth. I think your hair that looks better longer, yet you cut more off since the last time I saw you, and you're still beautiful. The most beautiful women I know. It'll grow back soon. I don't even care, you're still you. (edit: short hair grew on me) The fact even if you despise what I think or vice versa we can talk it out and agree. Even if we agree to disagree it doesn't effect our relationship. You're funny. You're cute. You're obviously the smart one whenever we're together. (Yes I said it, no it won't happen again)

Since the first time the thought popped in my head, I knew this had to wait. This is not something that should be discussed until the right time, if it ever comes. It could kill everything I've wanted if it was too early, or even if it was too late. I couldn't bring it up when I thought it the first time. I wasn't even sure if it was real. I was holding you. We were tied up around each other's thermogenic mass of limbs. Bodies absorbing each other's radiating heat. Biting my tongue for the whole adventure and ever since. We were talking about your ex-boyfriends in long serious relationships and I was thinking, we would outlast all those, no problem. I've never been in a long term relationship, and the one I was one wasn't close to this on any level. I knew from the moment I agreed to come to a music festival in the city where your brother lives, with your co- workers and college friends, to see your favorite band among others it would be the place. I forgot the exact day we started "dating", I don't know if we even have one. Maybe the night in your bed I asked for it to be official. It doesn't matter. I knew then, this would be the time. I had this planned out, all assuming I didn't fuck up the relationship, somehow like you less, still like you the same, get you to hate me, find someone better, or anything else anybody can imagine. I don't remember how to spell your full name correctly anymore I forgot, teach again please me. I fucking might not like, but I know I LOVE you.

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